I'm not too sure how to tackle the infamous "first post". I guess it would be a lie to say that this is my first blog (as I have posted a thing or two up on my "facebook notes"), but now I feel like I have a home and a space for me to capture my journey over the next 18 months and beyond!
Today is my 22nd birthday... now what.Now that 21 is gone, it feels like the next "cool" birthday is 50, and I'm not sure that I'd even define that as "cool". That being said, much like any birthday, I don't feel older, wiser, more mature than I did at any of the previous ones. I just have an inescapable label that's edging me closer towards responsibility. It's not that I'm afraid of responsibility (in fact I thrive in a pressured environment), it's just that my youth has been so positive and I want to make sure that the passion I have for life continues on into this "young adult" phase of my life.
When creating this blogspot.com account, I had to give my blog a title. It seemed like a pretty big decision upfront to categorize the content of this blog long before I've started to get into the thick of my writing. It didn't take that long to come up with the "not the destination..." theme. This effectively illustrates my belief (which is not new to me, yet I seem to have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the fact) that life is the journey and not where you end up. As I prepare to head off on exchange to the National University of Singapore on July 28th, the first leg of an 13 month world tour, a sense of adventure is building inside of me that I can't wait to unleash. The opportunity to dive into completely different cultures and throw myself into environments where I'm with nothing familiar just smacks a huge smile on my face.
Side note...
I was grabbing some lunch at the Student Union Building and bumped into a friend who I hadn't caught up with in a while, Sam Latif. Sam is one of those friends who although I don't spend much time with, I find myself connecting with very easily and getting lost in some great conversations. He was telling me about how the last two months have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for him and how he's happy to be coming out of it "not with a new personality, but with values and priorities in check". We discussed at length how excited we both were about exchange and the upcoming year.
I asked Sam if there was anything he could add to his life that would make him happier. With a bit of hmmming and hahhhing, he spoke at length about 2 big concepts:
- continual self-improvement
- really connecting with that special someone.
I discussed with Sam that to me, happiness is all about managing expectations. For someone as ambitious as myself, this is a difficult task but appears to be the only way to bring true, lifelong happiness. Rather than looking for the perfect career - I'm going to set off down a career path that is challenging and fun, not perfect. Rather than looking for the perfect woman, I will one day marry a woman who I find attractive, makes me laugh and understands me emotionally. The pursuit of the fairy tale ending with the perfect wife and job doesn't exist. I'm not saying this to ruin anyone's hopes of true love or landing that dream job, but to simply put in perspective that what stories and movies portray as love, or what all companies sell as the best work environment, leaves out the reality of the hard work involved to make the relationship/career a success.
I believe the hard work invested in a relationship shouldn't be looked down upon, but rather celebrated. Humans are challenging to live with for a lifetime, and when two people are able to work hard enough to support each other through thick and thin, it speaks volumes about their characters as individuals as much as it does of them as a couple. If we're able to lower our expectations and appreciate the fact that every career has it's bad days/weeks, everybody has their flaws - we will be actively setting ourselves up to be happier. Of course, this is easier said than done as we're all fighting an uphill battle against what we've been raised to believe to be true. Although the fight is long and hard, I bet the rewards of happiness are well worth the efforts to get there.
Some of your are probably reflecting on the fact that you were always told to "Do our best, and try our hardest?" and that what I'm saying falls in conflict with those ideals. I'm not saying that you should work any less (or more) on your relationships or career, but rather appreciate that although the grass may be greener on the other side you're sill going to have to mow the lawn and trim the edges.
I've got an assignment to wrap up before I head off to the PIT tonight to celebrate my "I'm getting really old Day". Thanks for reading and please post your thoughts.
Love,
- Conor
4 comments:
counterpoint: the cottage won't bring me long term happiness, BUT, having a place I can go to clear my mind and connect with nature will. And, for many obvious reasons, I'd prefer doing that on my own property than somebody else's. You see, managing expectations, and personal preferences for modes of life experience, are two different ideas that I suspect you haven't fully disentangled yet.
Managing expectations is great. I agree with you in the fact that our minds are our ultimate source of happiness. But you still didn't address the inherent conflict it brings with the concept of "dreaming big" aka "shooting for the stars".
I look forward to inaugurating my own blog. This is great, keep 'em comin!!
Happy Birthday and welcome to my RSS Feeder, Conor :D
This is fantastic, Conor.
I'm so happy you blog from the heart. It makes me feel like I have a friend in this sharing one's mind with the world concept that most people think I'm nuts to do.
My thoughts on this post: I think you are on to something that most of the people I know too work on the material side more than the spiritual. I've thought about it a lot.. because I do that as well sometimes and have recently even been thinking about a career in investment banking and all of my friends have been like 'what? why the hell would you of all people want to do that?'... same with when I ran for student government. They told me to do things that I was passionate about and that would really bring me happiness and fulfillment.. and I understood that advice but I have no idea what it is that brings me happiness or fulfillment in the long run or I would be out there pursuing that, believe me (and I do when I get a hunch.. like with the grad school trip.) But, I have no real idea where to find happiness and it's elusive and I think most people feel that. I feel like I can only know what I am passionate about right now and what I can accomplish right now.. it's so hard to see longer down the line and believe in oneself. It's a struggle for me at least to think that I could make it to the crazy places I write in my maybe lists in my lifebinder (even though it's a 200 page document of where I wanna be my entire life)
What we do know though, is where to find money most of the time... or where to find more of it. So, we take jobs as accountants even if we don't like it (I've only ever met one accountant who loved accounting) or we go into investment banking chasing the thin it's going to lead to afterward or the next career but not knowing what that is right now... we go for the things that we can control for.. the cars, the houses, the jewelery. The problem is that once you get all of it and the trophy husband, I think you are still just empty... but well distracted. and I think a lot of people just stay there... they don't question society's values and make sure that they are living up to something more... because it's hard.
I think it was Kohl who said that only 5% of people make it to the last stage of moral development where they form their own internal measure of values... I think it's only those people who keep looking after society says that they are fine... and those are the ones that I think identify with your post. I definitely think I identify with the people you are speaking to more than with your confident message, though I agree with it..it's just intimidating to set such a high standard and risk failing it... but I have a few great friends who keep telling me the same things your post says and it really helps to keep me honest and going.. and I try and do the same for them.. there's a line in one of my favorite pick-me-up songs by Superchick that goes 'It's always hard to believe in yourself, easier to find belief for a friend. I hope for you, you for me, and together we can say "it'll be alright. it'll be okay. it'll work out fine...'" That's what I was thinking of when I was reading your post.
Your poem above is poignant too. I definitely fear the same ending of my time at SFU... I think it's the fear that I haven't done it all the way I should have, that maybe I missed on something major and I can never do it once I graduate. I was really tempted to stay an extra year and boost my gpa and do the investment advisory thing... maybe help a club.. But, now I just think: hey, there's still two or probably three years of my masters to apply it all.. and apply it ALL I shall ;)
I'm looking forward to reading more of your blogs and to finding a good rss feeder to my desktop so I get them fresh off the press.
Oh, and I also think that finding someone I can share my life with and raise a family with is one of the most important aspects of my life.. but I don't think I'm going to find that until I know what my life is about independent of them... so until then, it can't really be a goal.. but I can emotionally work on trying to prepare myself for when that time will come and on being someone I would want to be with (I'm starting to slowly want to be with myself more haha. so I think that's progress.) And, I agree with you on attraction and laugher and add someone that I would want to parent a child with and who I can develop intellectually and in life stages alongside. That's my personal thoughts on that very important facet of fulfillment that I wanted to add.
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