Hope for LDRs

I feel guilty everytime I sit down to write here. Everytime I write I promise myself (and you) that I will be better (more consistent) about blogging and sharing my experiences. Yet everytime months go by until I find the need to log on and share.

For those of you that are interested in the my stories from South East Asia, you need not worry, as I will be compiling them and posting them in time. There were times where I wanted to share stories, experiences etc, but was worried that they wouldn´t fit into the time sequence and that it would get all disorganized. Then I would constantly put off sharing. I´ve finally realized that I should be less worried about how organized everything is and more focused on the content. When it´s there, I´ll share...and when it´s not, you´ll wait.

Due to my aformentioned constant avoiding there´s a small bank of thoughts and stories that I could share, and since my time is limited in that I need to catch a bus soon, I´ll try and keep it focused (or at least as focused as I tend to keep things...which usually isn´t very focused I´ve been told).

I´ve often been very skeptical of LDRs (Long Distance Relationships). Maybe its because they never work in movies, or maybe its because I rarely hear many success stories. Either way, they always seem to be a sticky subject because no matter how many times they arise, people find that their situation has variables that are unique and warrant evaluation.

Prior to my departure to Singapore, I ended a very healthy relationship with my girlfriend, Lindsey. The end of the relationship had been planned out for a while. Reading that sentence again sounds weird, but that´s how it was. Lindsey and I started to get serious around the same time that me running around the world for 13 months also became serious. As the opportunities (travel and the relationship) became a reality, I didn´t really see how I´d be able to succeed at one, while doing the other. As the months went by we seemed to be on the same page in that we shouldn´t cut our relationship short even though we knew there was an end date. We really enjoyed spending time with each other and figured that we should make the most of it while we were in the same continent.

I was able to consult my best friend, Spenser for some much needed advice on the situation of whether we should stay together or not. After building a decent inventory of reasons as to why the relationship wouldn´t work, it only seemed to make sense to go ahead with the break up as planned. And we did.

Flash forward 5.5 months and you´ll find me, the happiest man alive because I´m lucky to be in a relationship with someone who is perfect for me: Lindsey. Sure, you could say that I´m happy because I´ve spent the last couple weeks traveling Argentina, or that when I look at the calendar, I still have another 3.2 months left of traveling in South America. But a large part of why I´m so happy is that about 5 weeks after I left for Singapore, Lindsey had the balls (and I guess in her case ovaries) to say that I was wrong and do something about it.

But how could I be wrong? They´re my feelings, not hers! She doesn´t know me better then I do! I had a list of reasons why a LDR wouldn´t work. I had my own experience from when I left highschool and had what I thought at the time was a long distance relationship (North Vancouver to Point Grey) and knew that I needed more than that. I didn´t want to miss out on all that the world had waiting for me and be stuck in my room on skype. I didn´t want to miss out on potential love interests around the world. I didn´t want to be in a relationship that wasn´t able to grow because we were able to share new experiences together.

The problem with all my reasons was that they were all about me, and I never took the time to appreciate what her position was on the situation. Isn´t that what a relationship is about? Looking at both sides and doing what´s best for both of us. It turns out that she never really felt like we had broken up, and it was only until I sent her a message saying "no" to her request to get back together did she feel like it was over. She demanded more justification for why I said "no" and when I went to my trusted inventory of reasons they all fell apart because I realized that none of them were worth as much as having her in my life.

We set rules, commitments and a grounding of honesty to make sure that if we were going to try and make this LDR work, we were going to give it everything he had. After the drama and the confusion of figuring out if it was going to work out, it turned out to be easy (or at least as easy has a relationship through internet video can be). We made it to Christmas where we were able to spend 6 days together with my family and our friends and we´re apart again... for now.

As University comes to a close, or we set out on new career paths this situation could be something that you might face. Its not something that anyone wants to face but there are some truths that I have learned from the situation.

LDRs CAN work. You have to realize they will definetly different and that both of you must adjust your expectations, but they can work.

LDRs catalyze you to really think about how the relationship impacts your life. Many people are not able to work through a LDR because in reality their relationship was faltering before one of them left and the distance only highlighted the problems.

LDRs are not for everyone. I´m not saying that his situation is fun. It´s a matter of coping with a reality. Lindsey and I will do whatever we can (everything!) to avoid a similar stiuation in the future. It´s not fair to either of us.



If you have someone you love in your life, whether it s a boyfriend, girlfriend, brother, mother, best friend... make sure you make the most of all the time you spend with them. Play a game. Pretent like one of you is going away for a year and next week all is the last week you have with them. How will you change how you act? Would you take them to that fancy restaurant you´ve always wanted to. Would you make sure you stayed awake so that you could watch them fall asleep? Would you pay extra attention to the little details of why you love them, knowing that you´ll be missing it soon?

Lindsey and I had 6 days together to make a reltionship last for 8 months. What would you do with 6 days?

Take care,

Love,

Conor